I gave it all but I guess it was not enough

Hello. Everything's is starting to fall apart and I dont know what to do. Everyone is assuming I have bipolar. Its not funny at all. My uncle has that disorder. My mama also said this to me " perangai kau dah nak sama macam dia " and do you know how hurtful it is? The only person I trust. You know who you are, love. She was there when my family abandoned me. She stopped me from comitting suicide. She told me all the positive things in me when I said the negative ones. But now. She's no longer there because of something. I hope I dont have this bipolar disorder. But the symtops are like .. Me. If its true. If i have bipolar disorder, i would never forgive myself. Lately I've cut my wrist, my hands. And thought of suicide. Every night I think about this thing that was said by someone. She said, because of me her sister is ruined. Is it true? What have I done to people's life. I dont even think that I deserve to live anymore. People always leave me hanging. Always. That saddens me. I'm sorry I have ruined people's life. I have know idea. And now, theres no one to tell me that I'm better than this. No one who's gonna be here for me. No one to stop me from doing stupid things. Maybe its true. Because of me everyone is ruined. Should I live in this beautiful world when I'm ruining people's life. Would everyone be happy if I leave this world? Would the person that's always there for me will be free after what I've done to her, hurt her. Would that person said that i ruined her sister's life, be happy? If yes. I'm willing to leave. I'm sorry eveyone.