the last goodbye.

hi people. yeah I didn't blog for a long time. lol. as you can see,I've changed a lot, pain does that to people. I deactivated my twitter and facebook account too and I'm better without em'. after 9 months I get to know this one girl and 9 months of trying so hard and fail all the way to make her happy. we fight all the time. but I'm starting to give up and never fight for you back. I don't know. I suddenly like don't care about you anymore. I do, but not as much as the last 9 months. I don't know what's going on but its like there's nothing I feel about you anymore. we're good but I don't even matter if we don't talk more than three days and surprisingly I don't wait for your talk anymore... I don't miss you that much as I did before anymore. I don't bother about you as much as I did before anymore or get sad about you anymore... it's like, my feelings for the last 9 months towards you just gone. you used to be the amazing thing in my life but now, not anymore. and our convo asyik dead je and I don't try to make effort to talk to you anymore. I dont know, its better if we just not being friends anymore... I used to tell you that I'm afraid of losing you someday but right now I just dont mean it. I'm over you already. I dont get sad or mad if you're with other juniors anymore. I know its weird that I don't care anymore but this is real. my feelings towards our friendship, its there anymore. even it is still there but its not the same as how I feel for the last 9 months. I seldom think about you anymore. I used to care about you a lot but day by day I realized that, you're no longer the person I used to love. our friendship is not failing apart but I just feel this few days back and yeah. I wish I could love, care and think about you just as much as I did BEFORE. I tried but I just can't. that feeling wont exist anymore even if I tried my best. you've brought out the best in me, true that but right now you just don't.. even if you do, I dont feel it anymore. I'm feeling like this is because maybe you had me for the past 9 months but you just didnt see me? or you just want me when you know you can't have me anymore. I don't know, I just don't but honestly. I dont feel anything anymore towards you just as much as I did from january until november. I'm sorry for everything but I dont feel it anymore :/

last.

hi. dear readers. the truth is, it wasnt Nashuha's fault. she treated me good enough. I am the one who was so selfish and not grateful. I wish I could make things right again but I cant. aku ni panas baran and rude. I'm sensitive when it comes to everything. this is the first time I cared so much about friendship that is why I'm like this. before I met Nashuha, I played with everyone's heart, I break their heart and stuff. I was an asshole before I met Nashuha. no wonder I dont really like people last time. and when I met Nashuha, I cared for her so much til I'm afraid of loosing her and might break her heart. pay back's a bitch huh? I deserve it anyway. sometimes letting go of someone we love might be hard but I dont know. I hope I'll be fine. thanks for everything. its okay. I'm fine with it. seriously. I'm fine, eventually. I shouldnt be mad at you for everything, I know, I was wrong and I admit it. guess thats all. so Khairun Nashuha Mustaffa Halabi, you're leaving me? you made a good decision. no kidding. sorry for all the pain, heart aches, sorry kalau I selalu buat you macam nak baling or hang up everytime we talk on the phone, sorry for being emotionally sad and mad at everything. I'm sorry for everything. sorry sorry and sorry. I wish nothing but the best for your future. thank you for making me happy for 7 months. I'd appreciate it. you're the best I've had, so far. do whatever what makes you happy. if by leaving me makes you happy, then I'm happy for it. I'm sorry, thanks and goodbye, Khairun Nashuha Mustaffa Halabi.

1st November 2011.

hey. came back from Indonesia at 10 something. when I was in Jakarta, I was having so much fun but I've think too much as well. I was thinking what should I do and stuff. I thought when I get back from Indonesia, things would be just fine. I swear I thought this fight macam normal. I mean we both selalu gaduh over every single thing. 2 weeks we didnt talk or text or whatever, you just MIA. let's reply all the memories that we've spent? well yeah. 7th February 2011 - the first day we met. remember when I came to sesi pagi to see Eileen and she introduced her friends to me and you're one of them. I was so shy to say hi at you. then you offered me chocolate called daim and I took it with my shy face and you laughed. days after that we started to talk to each other at facebook but not really that often. remember when your '' choir season ''. everyday dekat dewan tu you have this choir practice and when I look at you, you just smile at me everyday. at the same time I'm having some family problem and you listened all my stories and we became close friends. remember when you used to prank me like the fake fight at the end you'll say ' AHAHAHA KENA GAME ' yeah. and after 2 months we started to have fights and argues. on teachers day we hung out together with your friends. remember when we exchanged our phone for one week? it was fun. then you introduced me to your mum, Puan Salasiah. I was so shy and scared but you said '' dia baik lah, trust me '' and you're right, she is. then a day before sports day you were busy watching the sports going on at the back of our school cabin. I went there to find you, and I did we wacth together that thing and stuff and I just realized that my file was missing and I'm pretty sure that it was one of my friends. so I told you about that and you went to look for them and said '' korang ada ambil file ariesha ke? '' then they lied by saying '' takda '' and you said '' kalau aku tahu kau ambil file ariesha, siap korang ''. hahahaha that was fun too. you're funny when you're mad. then on sports day, we hung out together but we didnt talked much, I dont know why. I just follow you around the stadium with your friends and stay silent. I really had a great time eventho that day didnt go very well. carnival bukit jelutong 11', we hung out and took some pictures. that you had to leave earlier cause you wanted to go to your friend's place and asked me to stay with cya. and I did. so I went back and print the pictures, and one of the pictures was I really liked it so I put it in my wallet. on hari 1 murid 1 sukan 1 malaysia day I finished the race earlier than you did so I waited for you at the finished line, and all you say was '' oh hi '' and walked away with your friends. so I just assumed that you were busy or tired and I just let you be. i hung out with '' her '' and she asked me why I tak lepak with you and stuff. I lied and said '' oh malas ah '' and she checked my wallet and saw the picture and throw it. and guess what? I pick up walaupun kat dalam tong sampah and put it back inside my wallet. yeah, thats it, sometimes we bumped with each other at school, sometimes I just watched you masa balik when you dont really noticed I was there. I get sad when we dont talk or text more than 3 days. I trust you. I really wanna make you happy. I'm afraid of loosing you someday and everytime I tell you that, you'll say ''chill lah, i'll never leave you '' such a relief and I actually believed it. then we started to have fights every single day. you kinda like changed. you wont tell me things. I dont know. things just changed day by day. then 19th October we had random convos at whatsapp and suddenly you appeared offline without saying bye, I assumed that you;re sleeping or something. then after 1 week, yuo dont text or whatsapp me. I started to feel so .. fucked up and keep thinking stuff. then went to Jakartaand now I'm in Malaysia. aku balik rumah waiting for a text from you. then I decided to call you, you didnt pick up. and yeah I deleted your number but I'd still remember your number even when I've deleted it. then you texted me '' shaa you called? '' and I was mad like yeah, after 2 weeks baru nak reply. I said '' siapa ni '' and we kinda like bla bla fight idk. idc. and today is 1st November 2011. I thought today is brand new month for me to start and IDONTKNW? feel better maybe? so I went online just now and shit whatever. and I received a text from. and that text was long, I think its the longest text you've ever text me. now in that text. its cleared that you wanted to leave me. what is air. this is the first time. usually I'm the who always wanna leave you. guess this is it. I dont know what to do now and I'm all fucked up. you.. I wish you have great life without me, khairun nashuha mustaffa halabi.

goobye, Kuala Lumpur

off to Jakarta in a few minutes so yeah. I've said goodbye to my friends already. Nashuha is the only person who dont even knw I'm going to Jakarta. she dont gives a fuck anyway so buat apa nak bagitau. she's happy better off without me and thats the fact that I have to face it. fuck my life, it hurts to see that they're better without you but life muct go on. fuck my egos and emotions. I just dont give a fuck about me anymore. I dont give a fuck about, Nashuha. well I do but haih, fuck it. be back in Malaysia on monday. thats all.

fuck you,

sorry for cursing a lot lately. you have no idea how fucked up I am. its just that, I never tried so hard for someone for that long. so yeah. off to Jakarta in 6 more hours and I'm right here living my life pretending to be okay. does it hurts you to see someone you love turn out to be what they told you they'd never be? well yeah, this is life. I cant believe I've wasted my time on someone who doesnt even gives a fuck about me. obviously they are fine. I wonder if you ever think that how hurt would I be right now. of course you'd probably think like this '' lol heard that many times from you. fuck off you'll be fine ''. lolz. yeah sure. guess my friends were right when they told me this '' people come and go. dont put your hopes to high on them cause one day they'll get bored of you and leave you without an explanation or a reason '' wow. you've changed my life. thanks for the memories.

Cool story.

bapak cool sial. I remembered when you used to like '' omg sampai hati dia buat macam ni kat you. sejahat-jahat I, at least I tak buat macam tu kat you. never will ''. lol now it seems to be that you're turning to be that kind of person that you've told me you'd never be. you know what? I thought you were different. I thought you was my only friend that could change me to be better. I THOUGHT WRONG. LOLZ. weh seronok hidup sekarang? you're good at hurting my feelings. congratulations for that. would you like a hug from me? awww. I'm proud of you. lol. please lah. don't make promises that you can't keep it. weh kau fikir aku apa sial, batu? kata aku suka cakap pasal diri aku that's your reason why you don't want to talk to me. but when I fucking ask you like '' eh dah makan?. esok paper apa? dah study? how was your day? are you okay? goodluck for esok okay? kenapa tak tidur lagi? how was your paper? boleh buat tak? ''all that shitty questions that I asked you every time we talk. pastu kau response '' oh okay lah. dah. ahahahaha lol '' sumpah aku tahan sial. aku nak je tanya kau '' kau ni nak cakap dengan aku ke tak? '' but yeah, I fucking dont want to cause I dont wanna ruin your mood or your day. fikir aku tak fikir semua tu? weh aku fikir dulu sebelum aku cakap tahu tak. lol fine you're tired of listening at family problem stories and shit. fine. I'll never talk about it, ever. I shouldn't told mama that you are the only person I trust and could my day better. lol fucking regret introducing you to my family. fucking regret telling about how amazing you are that you could make fee so much better and the bestest friend I've ever met to my friends. fucking regret for wasting my time for you. if I knw that you were gonna hurt me like this, I would never urgh whatever. buang masa menangis sebab kawan macam kau. buang masa aku je fikir kau punya safety semua padahal kau tak pernah pun terfikir macam tu semua. such a waste time. I knw I'm just a normal form 2 kid yang tak famous, problematic kid, immature and dumb and you're just embarrassed of having a friend like me. if you think that I give up easily then you're wrong. if you think that I've changed, no I've stopped living my life in your way. fine, I hate to see that you're happy without me when you dont feel the same way as me cause that's what friends are supposed to feel. I'm sorry that I cant be what you always wanted me to be and tired of me. have a happy wonderful fucking life without me. I don't care if you're gonna tell everyone that I'm such a loser fuck dumb retard kid for messing up with you about what I've done to you. but please, don't forget to tell them about what you did to me.

well look at the blind side and you'll find me.

hi people. I'm still mad tho. okay hi. saturday off to Jakarta. I'm gonna travel alone. cause my mama dia punya flight lain time so yeah. gonna cut my fringe after this. gonna clean my room, and this evening gonna jog. gonna start a new start. I hope this will make me better today. I hope. I wish. I have nothing to say anymore. I'm just mad and disappointed. byebye. I hope you're fucking happy now, Unicorn.

I hate this song.

watched 500 days of summer just now. today I was mad all day. should see my room. I mess everything up today. fuck my my fucking life. I wish I never met anyone at all. I just wish I'm dead. really. Imagine if I never met everyone. everything would be just fine. I hate everything, its so annoying. fuck all of you. nanananan fuck you, you and YOU. JUST FUCK ALL OF YOU. I gave and tried my best and this is what I get in return? hoho thanks for everything _|_ are you happy? GOOD I HOPE YOU DO. lol you're just bored of me. sorry lah dapat kawan yang tak lawak langsung yang tak ada sense of humor langsung. ftw. you knw what? I've tried to make you happy or laugh. at least I tried. sorry lah dapat kawan yang paling bodoh nak mampus sampai tak cakap 1 minggu pun dah sedih macam sial en. wtf. lol at my life. I'm so sorry that I'm different than anyone else. well whatever. do whatever makes you happy. I dont bother to care anymore. even I care I'll pretend not to. fuck you. yeah. bla bla. lol bye. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU.

seven days.

whatdup. its 26th. fucked up week. slept early last night. 10.30 off to bed. woke up at 7 and stare at the fan til 9 like that. think a lot. replays all the memories. stuff like that. as you can see, everyone is assuming that I'm already dead. yes. I am a ghost right now. lol. I bet they dont even care -.- wow just wow. I can be dead. sure. I'd do that, if that make ya'll fucking happy. fine. have it your way. hi Nashuha, its been 7 days or should I say 1 week since we talk. I can see that you're happily online at Twitter and Facebook within this 1 week, eventho I dont have one. so dont expect me to talk to you again. loooooooool. JUST LOL. well you wanted me to change? fine I'll change to be someone you dont even wanna talk to. because I have feelings too. you and your idk whatever that so called '' Ariesha you have to change '' can go live in a sweet happy life if you want. cause I've tried my best and you didnt like it either. dont tell me that '' oh I tak reti nk tunjuk macam mana nk appreciate '' or whatever that you told me before. you said when we talk its always about me, me, me AND ME. you know, after what you've said that I barely talk about me anymore to you or to people. semua benda aku tanya kau, dah makan, dah study, esok paper apa, bla bla. well yeah your responses semua nak tak nak je jawab. weh sapa tak bengang. lol I didnt tell you this cause aku nk jaga hati kau. tapi ah mampus ah. remember when you listed all the things that you hate about me and you asked me to promised that I dont get offended. sorry I lied, I was offended and I just remain silent. lol bro dont worry, I'v already deleted your number. oh wait, I'm already dead to you lah, lupa pula. dont expect me to be myself again, well dont expect me to talk to you again. banyak lagi form 2 yang pandai and tak selalu emo. pergi ah pilih, bersepah. banyak lagi budak yang baik daripada aku so watlek je lah ~ I wish nothing but the best lah weh. there's no point of me trying the best of me when I already knw that you're gonna find someone else better than me. lol thanks for wasting my time. tak payah nak cakap '' Ariesha I just dont knw how to show my appreciation and love towards you ~ '' dah bosan dengar benda sama. dah bosan dengar '' I'm sorry '' bosan tahu tak. sakit hati je dengar. thanks for making my week the worst week ever, and the most fucked up 7 days ever. LOL AT MY LIFE. JUST LOL BRO. bye have fun :D

lifez.

whatdup. so what happened? nothing much. bbm-ing with Melor. went for a jog this morning. was letting it all out. I wish I could go back January 2011. the first day of school. I wish I didnt meet some people. as usual, I fucked things up. all the happy days now seems so far away. day by day people are leaving me. first Qistina then Syamimi and now guess who lah ~ really tried to make things right again with QZ but we can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong. she's the type that sumpah susah nak pujuk. do whatever about it, she won't fall for it anymore when she fell for it once before. seriously. I do regret what I did to her. should've listen to her and shouldn't meet her in the first place if I knw it could hurt me like this. I never meantto do those things to her but I did when I didnt realized it. maybe her life would be so much better if she just leave me hanging or whatever. she just assumed that she don't even knw me more like '' hi I'm ariesha. I'm already dead ''. I dont knw how lah next year. sama sesi, must be hard for us to ignore each other while she hates me till death and me? missing her to be her friend again. lifez broz. its weird that she'd always appear in my dream. so here I am, here without you, QZ. it was really nice when we were friends before. especially during the camp exco '11. thanks for taking good care of me during the camp. thanks for giving me advises for like 4-5 months? thanks for all the fun that we had together during the camp. thanks for teaching how life must go on and people come and go in friendship. thanks for all the memories. thanks for being my friend for temporary. thanks for the tears. thanks for everything. you taught me a lot of things in friendship and life. sorry for all the hurtful moments I got you with. sorry for not to listen what you've said to me. sorry for making you a lot of trouble to hear all my story that I've told. I;m sorry for everything tho. lol but we just can't fix this thing anymore. it better to have it your way. ignoring each other and pretend that you're dead to and I'm dead to you. I should've be there for you when you need me the most, I'm sorry I wasnt there for you like you're always be there for me no matter what. I'm so fucking selfish, I know and I'm really sorry. really regret it this time. it's almost a month we didnt talk. sorry for missing you so sudden. you're right when you said '' you'll never miss that person until they're gone ''. sometimes its better to be like this rather than keeping this friendship alive and hurt even more.

Trying.

supp bro and whores ~ okay sorry. hekhek. so its almost 2 AM and I'm wide awake. oh yeah I deleted my formspring few hours ago. I had enough questions about Nashuha. bukan lah nak marah tapi cam haih, I'm having a hard time right now especially pasal Nashuha. semua nak sibuk tahap babi. she just wants me to change and I can't. I've tried to be the person she wants me to be but I just cant. thats the reason really why I didnt want to talk to her and avoiding her as fuq. this is the only place that I can express my feelings and let it out. this is the only place that I have and this is the only place that she wont know what I feel. the only person I talk to is Melor and Cya. tu pun jarang gila okay. I'm grateful and thankful, seriously but its not easy to be me. I'm fucking sensitive and weak. I've lost a lot of people I love and I'm just afraid of being happy again cause when I'm happy there's always some bitches who try their best to ruin it, annoying bitches. hate them for life. whatever. lol. see what I mean? I'm like the glass. once its broken it can never be fixed. just like the paper too, once its crushed it can never be perfect. fuck life. I'm bad in friendship seriously. paling lama pun boleh tahan is Melor, 3 years and still counting. I just dont wanna hurt anybody anymore. because I'm too sensitive. I get sad when people yang rapat didnt talk to me more than 3 days. last week Nashuha told me what she really hates about me. she said that I get emo easily and stuff like that. I REALLY TRIED NOT TO FIGHT BACK, and boo yeah. succeed ~ lol. then she asked me to change. I've tried. it work, for a few days. actually I pretend to be what she wants me to be when I'm with her. lol saya tahu saya awesome ^.^V then lama lama she just assumed that I'm fine. but pergh taktahu rasa macam mana sebenarnya. the last time I talked to her was 19th October. now its 25th. dont say anything. it kills me slowly ~ so, 3 days ago, I deleted her number and stuff. all the messages. even photos. cant tell you how I feel cause cant even say it. cant even describe it tho. I think its the best. people come and go. I'm afraid of loosing her as always. she didnt knw that. she's busy with others and just dont have time for me, I guess. cant do anything about it. we had a lot of arguments and fights in 7 months. thanks anyway. no one has ever made me to fight back and care for that person so much like you did. I bet she thinks that '' oh dia junior aku, lol junior memang macam ni. nk rapat dengan senior. immature punya otak, they just wanna have fun je. diorang tak sedar pun apa yang diorang cakap. its like cakap kosong. they'll get over it bila aku dah habis sekolah ''. yeah I am immature, I think narnia is real and love peterpan. but as you can see, tak ramai pun senior I tried my best to talk to them. if you noticed. I only tried for you. yeah our age 2 years beza. but I seriously tried to understand what you feel. guess not good enough. I'm the type of person who loves friendship more than anything else it this world. you can see I've tried to impressed banyak orang but I've tried hard till I'm tired to impressed you. 7 months bro. lol tapi ye lah, I'm just not mastered in friendship. not my thing but at least I've tried. nice to know you.

y I'm sho sherious?

lol hi? yesterday I was pretty moody and stuff. then chat with Melor terus jadi hyper as fuuq. loliz. so what happened? heh I get tired easily nowdays. shitz. weh uh, yeah people change mhm? my phone so senyap ya know. no text. no calls. no whatsapp. no whatever. the truth is, I dont miss my twitter and facebook at all. I just feel so much better without twitter and facebook bcs if I still have twitter and facebook I'll stalk my friends and realize that they've changed. a lot. seeing them online, talking to others and not you. and stuff like that, cant help stalking them. so yeah, better to delete online stuff. fucked up month for me. seriously, sleep at 5 AM everyday, playing all the sweet memories that I've had. its killing me to realize what I used to have, I dont have it anymore. 5 more days and off to Jakarta. haihhh. byeee~

this one’s for you and me living out our dreams. we’re right where we should be.

thanks Melor Syaza Abul' As

wish you were here.

so hi? just told Melor about paranormal activity 3 hihi :3 ppl keep asking why I delete my facebook and twitter and they were like '' sebab Nashuha eh? '' ppl please mind your own business. ye, saya delete number dia and what so ever ah. when ppl dont talk to me or whatever makes me feel like they're not trying or what, I just delete number diorang and assume that they're dead or something. ppl get tired lah. I stop trying cause there's nothing to fight for when you know its not worth it. I just dont wanna talk to anyone okay? fair enough. its the best for me right now. and no, Nashuha its not the reason why am I becoming like this. blame life. next saturday I'm off to Jakarta for 3 days, be back on monday. cant take my bm both paper and science paper 1. shitz. supposed to go jogging with Cya this morning. woke up pretty late. SORRY CYA :/ fucked up day. fucked up week. fucked up month. everything is so fucked up. I dont give a fuck, I do but haih FUCK IT. there's a lot of fuck ey? sorry. I'm just too depressed and stressed out. I dont even know why. and no, I'm not PMS-ing. so .. I get for nothing nowdays. I get mad at ppl for nothing but I keep it all inside. last time, I always let it out and tell it to someone somehow. but now? I just dont. I just stop doing all that stuff and shit. I hate everything. I hate everyone. yeah, I hate all the form 4's. ALL. except for Cya. yeah, hate Nashuha too. surprised? dont be. sorry but for now? I JUST HATE EVERYTHING. everything is so .. annoying. do you know how hurt it is to be like this? shit happens, true but IT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME. can I be HAPPY for once? ppl sangat annoying, when I'm happy there's always someone will try their best to ruin it, well fuck you. I hope you'll get a blowjob by a shark or get hit by a rollercoaster or die just like in paranormal activity. OI, I GOTTA STOP JADI MARAH KAT SEMUA BENDA. WELL FUCK YOU EVERYONE. BYE.

HOW TO LOVE EXAMS.

lulz. hi evelibodi? harhar. ok. so having my finals now. oh wow lagi a couple of months dah nak masuk form 3. fuck life. okay so um what's up? oh saya delete facebook dan twitter saya ^.^V hahaha why? bcs there's no point to go online when you know the person you want to talk doesnt wanna talk to you. oh yeah delete 3 orang punya number :) hint? semua form 4. hehehe I bet you guys dah tahu siapa. I bet you all think that mesti aku tengah sedih bcs of that kan? mhm actually yeah, a lot. but that's the best. why do we keep a friendship when that someone layan macam sampah. lulz. forget about it and move on, Ariesha. hekhek. oh yesterday was agama and maths paper 2. guess what? saya dapat soalan bocor ^.^V hekhek. agama punya paper exactly sama and maths 2 sikit je lah dapat. alhamdulilah it was okay. I'm so tired. barely talk to people. lol anti social. hekhek. please call, text or whatsapp if you guys wanna reach me. need to study, bye bye ^.^V

You are the only exception.

I never thought I would be this sad. There's someone who used to be my greatest friend. used to advise me a lot of thing. used to care for me too. It's my fault for taking her for granted. She was always there for me. She gave me a lot of chances. She tried her hard to make me to be a better person somehow. I just take her for granted. That is my biggest mistake I've have made. Now my life is full of regrets. I should have listen to her in the first place and just LISTEN. I tried to make things where it used to be but she just don't wanna me anymore because she's tired of me. I saw her yesterday at school, I wanted to see her and give her an explanation but by the look in her eyes. I know she wouldn't listen to my explanation and maybe just walk away. She wont even look at me yesterday. came back from from school I got a text from her. It was long and I can tell she's hurt. Blame me. before this I seriously can handle things by myself and couldn't be bothered of her but day by day I started to feel something is missing. and it's her. call me crazy but I really need a time machine cause I need to travel back to the past and make things right again. like she said sometimes recovering from an accident just doesn't go very well,so the injury stays there permanently. even if we try to make things right again it would never be the same as before. some things are better to be hurt than keeping it inside. You don't know how sorry I am, I'm sorry for saying sorry. I just want the old us and be happy for each other again. it's okay if you want it this way. I understand. I'd rather have nothing than half of you. cause I want it all or nothing at all.

Love The Way You Lie.

Hi. So I woke at I cant really remember. I'm starting to forget a lot of important things now, I dont know why. hih. I think I woke up at 10 kot? Idk, sumah. Then bathed. And all. Ingat kan nak sekolah tapi tak jadi sebab demam. So I followed my gramma to send Intan at the airport. I slept in the car because tak larat langsung. Came back home and went upstairs online. Tengah online, phone jatuh, keypad rosak, macam babi ah. Skype dengan orang and then bathed again. I COULDNT REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TODAY I MEAN SETENGAH BENDA JE KOT. URGHH ANNOYING AH. Keluar balik pukul 8 to fetch Intan back at KLIA. Then went home again. And I'm here. Nothing interesting happened. You texted me, and cakap I reply nak tak nak. My keypad rosak, I've told you. Then reply ni salah, reply tu salah. Fine certa takyah reply. Tahu lah kalau kau hilang aku pun kau tak kisah. Aku ni penting mana je en. okay then, bye.

Cleaning Out My Closet.

HI. Sorry I didnt post anything. I iz zo tired yesterday can literally die. Yesterday I woke up at 11AM I guess. Then mandi makan pergi sekolah. Nothing interesting actually. OH WAIT. Yesterday kan, during BM me, Syamimi and Arief played Taiti. Muka semua pokerface gila. HAHAHA. Then tiba tiba Arief dia main dgn newspaper. Syamimi lah, Dia prgi ambil nespaper tu buat jadi bola and asked Arief to letak macam boobs. HAHAH IT WAS FUNNY. We just said 'letakkan je' and Arief pergi buat stripping kat dpan class. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. EL OW EL. So yesterday ada match Singapore vs Malaysia kan? Singapore asyik asyik terbaring kat rumput, TAK CUKUP SUSU KE APA? Oh well. Harima Malaya 4lyf. Win or lose, tanah tumpanya darahku~ And and, yesterday ada ceramah Anti Rokok. I laughed, and I dont knw why, HAHAHHAHA. Then I got tired of laughing I fell asleep for a while. We didnt learned alot yesterday bcs teachers suruh buat kerja sendiri and we all were like 'TAITIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!' Gamma, Gamma. Hahaha best class ever. I cant really remember what happened yesterday. asdfghjkl. hm. okbye~

I'm No Superman

Hi. Well last night was pretty cool ... I had this argument with Nashuha last night like yeah. I cried a little bit. HAHHAHA KANTOI SIAL. Dah gaduh semua benda tiba tiba she said she wanted to meet me today. so I was like oh okay~ Then she texted me back at 1 AM I think? she said ' if youre reading this, DONT JUMPA ME TOMORROW I'LL TELL YOU ESK.' I was awake and replied that text and asked why, then she said ' oh I baked brownies for you but tak jadi, jadi keras macam batu, kalau baling kat anjing pun mati, tapi sedap ah' I WAS LAUGHING REALLY HARD!!! EPIC FAILURE. HASHAHHAAHHAAH. But I know Nashuha's brownies is the best brownies I've ever heard but not tasted yet. What, so its special to me okay. So I guess we're okay now (: Okay I woke up at 6.30AM today. And study sikit and text dgn Nashuha for a while and prgi tidur balik and woke up and 11AM, Mandi, Makan pergi sklh~ Sampai sekolah duduk kat perhimpunan. So En.Rosman berceramah about disiplin and stuff. Continued by Anti Dadah punya ceramah. I swear I didnt payed attention AT ALL. HAHAHHAHHAHA. Then tadi dalam class I played Taiti with my 2 Gammarians. I won. ALL THE GAME. well, kalah sekali je. HAHAHA. Then pergi class KH at Makmal Computer located at Block B, HEHEH MY FAVORITE. I just noticed that I havent do my KH notes just now. It scares the hell out of me. Pn. Roziana kot. Lucky thing she didnt want to check our note books. WOOO SAFE AGAIN. Teacher buat quiz and I was shitz, I iz dont know anything about KH yaww. So I buat buat to drop my pen. And i just duduk bawah meja computer for hours. HAHAH SANGGUP. Cikgu tak perasaan pun. HEHHE then masa cikgu cakap 'okay sampai situ je.kemas barang and boleh balik.' and I was screaming ' OH. BARU JUMPA PEN. WEE.' HAHAHAHA JAHAT NYA ARIESHA xD Pastu balik rumah, I went upstairs and as usual pergi my room and saw one fucking ugly monster on my bed. HAHAH JUST KIDDING. IT WAS INTAN. SHE'S BACK. WEEEEE~EHHHHH. I feel something's missing. Its been a while tak cakap dgn Syamimi. EH WHERE ARE YOU, MY LOVEEE? D: heh I miss you... ok bye~

Hi Ustazah Sharifah Sarham.

Supp. So today was .. okayy. Datang sekolah je semua 'ARIESHA, ARIESHA, ARIESHA' haha watlek watlek. Then semua nak ambil bag aku buat bantal pula, haha -.- The moment I eneterd 2 Gamma, I was like 'sup people~' and were like 'fuyoo fringe baru' haaa, babi lah. Surprisingly I didnt skipped any classes today. Thats a good start I guess. Ye lah kaki sakit memang ah tak jalan en ;p Then MATHS, almost kena marah with Puan Mariam. She was like checking my book and said to the whole class "okay, buka muka surat 87 buat lathina paper 2, soalan 4 dengan 5 skrg' and the whole class was like 'cikgu dah lama dah buat benda ni cikgu' I was shit, gahh, then ada orang like distracted cikgu. I WAS SAFE! haha. So I decided to go toilet, I mean I really need to, tak ada cikgu dalam class so keluar je lah. Fuck my legs. Tengah jalan, jumpa ustazah sharifah. ITS LIKE KENA MARAH EVERY PART KOT. NAME IT. SHOES. LENGAN. BUTTON SEMUA AH. HAHAHAHHAHA. Then finally went to toilet keluar toilet ada satu cikgu ni, I swear to god I never knw that teacher in my entire life. She was like ' apa itu imigrasi tempatan' and I was 'huh?'HAHAHAH. I never payed attention during Geo. Well who does in 2 gamma. Walked back to class peacefully. Was singing 'stereo hearts' and Melor got annoyed by me. I knw you love me, Melor :* HAHAHAHA. I'M SO MEAN TODAY. Masa balik was supposed to be seni, but Puan Norlia didnt came so our english teacher ganti. I played Taiti with the gamarians, HAHA MESTI AH AKU MENANG. HAHAHAH. Semua mcm tak puas hati I won, they were all like 'ish Ariesha main macam pukimak gila, nasib sial menang'HAHHAHAHA BENGANG KE BRO ;p TAITI FOR LIFE. Nampak En. Rosman je simpan semua. Hoohohoho. So Nashuha texted me today. Well it was ... awkward. Will be meeting her in front of 2 Gamma tomorrow, cause she said she wanted to give me something, its from her mom btw, Puan Salasiah~ Tah kiteorg pun tak tahu lah we're okay or not. Its just tergantung like that also can lah. HAHAHAH. ok. OHHHH!!!! My phone rosak. Cannot on my twitter, facebook or anything to do with social online stuff. Only can receive text message. I found my charger. I'm just getting weaker day by day~ bye~

Turn Me Up When You Feel Low.

Hi. so my previous post.. just forget about it. I'm tired of putting my hopes at someone. So today I went to Jakarta bcs I had an emergency stuff there. Pergi kejap je. Balik hari. Intan balik on Rabu. I dont feel good right now. I dont know why. I'm just not normal. Tomorrow, I'm going to school. Finally. Its been awhile tho. I have a lot of things in my mind right now but I just wanna keep that in my mind. Heh. I just wanna say something to someone right now. You shouldnt said sorry to me just now if you know that you're gonna hurt me again. I'm just saying. I just hate today. Its the worst day in my life. I wish I could go back where we used to be happy for each other, smiling and laughing for hours. But its just cant be that way anymore. Eventho we keep on trying, things couldnt work out like before. You've shouldnt treat me right before if you're gonna leave me this way. Because I gave all my hopes on you. Its just that you're the first person that made me happy for like, I cant forget all the happy moments. But people come and go in life. All we have to do is move on. You've got your friends and I'm just by my own like before. It was a nice experience with you. I mean, from there, I've learn a lot of things and I've grown stronger. I've never been ignored for like days. I've never hurt myself like this. To me now, pain is just something common. Ignorance is just like my new bestfriend. Thanks to you for making me stronger and heartless. The best part is, I've learnt to let go someone you really love in your life. I'm just heartless now. Enough said. Thanks for the memories. I'll never be the same if we ever meet again. Bye.

Wasted

I thought you were different than anyone else. I guess I was wrong. I just arrived KL from Jakarta and got a text from you. I was so excited because it was from you. But once I read I feel so.. idk. Everyone told me to leave you but I didnt cause I'd still trust you. Eventho I know that you lied or what. When we text, you'd always busy but I do understand. I know you're busy with your works and friends, I do. Remember last time bila you didnt text me I would go emo and all. Then you told me that you didnt like it, so I stopped. That one night we were laughing and happily texting each other. I was happy on that night. I swear to Allah. Then on Wednesday we texted but you were busy, then you texted me back a week after. Yeah a week after. I waited. Tak emo pun kat twitter. Bcs I know you'd hate it. You said that I treated people all the same, and make them feel special, and thought you were special but no? Everyone was annoyed by me. You know why? I keep talking about you all the time. It didnt make you special enough? I'd stare at my phone almost every one hour for your text. People keep telling me to leave you cause I dont deserve to be treated the way you treated me, but I didnt give a fuck about them at all. I never wanna lose you. You would think that I'd say that to everyone but no. When I said to you, I really do mean it. You just didnt realize. When I'm down. I thought you'd always be there for me, but someone else does and it wasnt you. And I was hoping you'd ask why. Nope, you didnt. I know that you have some other friends that more important than me. Bila dapat jumpa kat sekolah je mesti you would layan semua org except me. Its like I'm invisible. When I talk to you, you wouldnt give a shit about it, you wouldnt laugh, or smile, it hurts alot, I just dont want ruin your mood so diam je lah. But I just wished that you'd be there for me for at least once. When someone else like talk to me when I'm down, I just wished that person was you. When someone else treated me like IDK WHAT TO SAY, but I wished you treated me like that. But its okay. I cant do anything about it. So you want me to die now? okay fine. Go on and leave me. I'd appreciate whatever you've done for me. Everything. Thanks alot. Be happy without me. Dalam dunia ni ada 2 jenis org. First : orang yang bertuah. Second: orang yang bodoh macam aku ni. Tahu kenapa aku bodoh? because I'd do anything to make you happy but you didnt appreciate me. I just wasted my time just for you. But now that you met the juniors other than me. You just forget about me and starting have no time for me but for them. Dapat junior yang cool cool, kau lupa orang bodoh macam aku. Well I do know that I'm stupid, not cool enough for you, problematic kid and just menyusahkan hidup kau. I do have a thing that the lucky peoples dont. My heart. Aku ada hati, kau je tak nampak. I'm in serious pain. You just dont wanna see my heart. I was stupid for wasting my time on you.

You & Me

Hi there, people. Today is so tiring day but not as bad as yesterday lah. Today I woke at 10am. Then I was sleepy so I went back to sleep and woke up at 12.30pm. Then Intan entered my room and said '' jom pergi shopping kat sunway.'' and I was like, fuq. Hahaha. I just noticed that I didnt buy any Vans for like forever. I've only got one vans for my entire life. Okay so I decided to go Sunway just to buy a new Vans and teman Intan shopping, again. Keluar rumah pukul 2pm. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you guys. I was supposed to go Jarkata tomorrow with Intan. But ada orang tu tak kasi kita pergi, dia kata if I go to Jarkata, she'll merajuk with me for two weeks. I dont wanna take the risks so I begged Mama not go. She said ok but with one condition. I. Have. To. Cut. My. Fringe. Fuq. Yes, shitz. So Intan took me for a haircut first of all. I literally die inside when I saw my fringe dah gone. Yes, it was a sad day. After that off to Sunway Pyramid. Sampai sampai, Intan wanted to go to Cotton On. She said, she just wanna see only, not buy. End up, beli 6 T-shirt at Cotton On. Never trust a Stewardess. Note that. Then we went to Charles & Keith. Intan bought a pair of shoes. I STILL TAK DAPAT BELI APA APA. ISH. Finally, we went to Vans, I bought 2 pairs of shoes. I'm so happy, can literally die. So Intan's going to Jarkata tomorrow for a week without me. Hahaha sebab tu lah shopping sakan. Masa otw balik, we kinda have this convo

Intan: esok Tan nak pergi Jarkata,and you're following me, ish sapa lah nak tolong angkat kan shopping bags Intan nanti.
Me: ACAI.
Intan: watlek watpeace. so nak apa apa tak nanti?
Me: You know what I love. Shoes. Watches. Belikan tau.
Intan: boleh, bak mari duit hang dulu, tak termasuk Tan punya 'TAX'
Me: Berapa tax Intan?
Intan: 1 barang 20 ringgit.
Me: takpa ah. 20 ringgit aku boleh beli BIS untuk 1 bulan kot -.-
Intan: hehehe.
Me: eh, haritu kan Iesha belajar psl makanan bekal kat KH. I cooked Macaroni & cheese. want me to make for you and pack kan for your bekal esok or not? ;p
Intan: taknak ah. cheese kot. mana tahan, makan nanti sakit perut pula.
Me: where got lah, kalau Intan makan sakit perut, itu bukan salah makanan tu, maybe its because of your retarded perut, nothing to do with my food~
Intan: k.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH WOOOO. okay so thats all. bye.

Madness.

Hi there! today sumpah penat. So firstly I went to KLIA with Intan because she wanted to buy flight tickets to Jarkata. Yes I am going to Jarkata. Shitz, not cool brahh. Samapi KLIA around 2 like that. Then she went to MAS office sbb dia kan stewardess so ticket murah lah. Okay settle lah flight tickets. So next stop to KLCC. Otw nak pergi sana jam gila babi macam babi terlepas. Then Intan and me was like complaining sbb tak dapat parking for ONE FUCKING HOUR. Then dapat parking rasa macam bersyukur tahap nak buat majlis kesyukuran kat situ. So its just me and Intan. Aku bawak RM500 je prgi sana. Intan RM2000. Sumpah Intan shopping macam babi. Dia shopping macam orang tak pernah beli baju. Dari pukul 4pm sampai pukul 10pm au. Every kedai dia masuk, dia MESTI beli satu benda. Before that, pagi tadi dia beli Ipad 2. Babi betul. pastu spend RM2000 kat KLCC. Aku dalam hati berdoa that duit minyak nak balik dgn makan cukup sudah. So RM500 aku, I bought a new school bag at Converse. A new pair of shoes at Addidas. so thats all. Oh beli top up sekali. Dah lah battery habis. Tgh sedap text dgn org, battery habis. Then pukul 10.30 keluar dari KLCC. To me its like baru keluar dari hell, sumpah penat tahap gaban. Ingatkan nak balik dah. Then kiteorg prgi Rasta kat Taman Tun for dinner. Well actually, bukan dinner, Intan wanted to lepak with her friends and stuff. Aku dia bagi makan roti canai dengan teh o' ice limau je. Dah lah I didnt eat anything for breakfast and lunch -.- Dalam pukul 12 AM, dia baru rasa PENAT and baru tahu nak BALIK. I swear to god, tak nak prgi keluar dgn Intan if she got a lot of money, aku lah tukang angkat plastic bag dia semua, bukan ringan au. Biasa lah, ACAI. Hahaha. okay thats all today. Bye.

Written In The Stars.

Hi everyone. I don't feel good today so yeah. I woke up at 9 am today. I went downstairs and no one was there. Then Intan called. She said she's at One Utama with mama. And I was like.. wtf you guys left me -.- I asked diorg buat apa kat situ, then she said: Oh just nak pergi beli Ipad. I thought it was a joke until she came back home with her new Ipad. Yes I am jealous. Paqiu for that. So Intan felt guilty, she said after this she's gonna take me to KLCC to buy new shoes or something. So yeah, I'm going out later. But I seriously don't have any mood. You don't wanna know why. Well if you're reading this. You know who you are aite? yeah okay. That's all I guess. Bye. I'm sorry. Seriously takda mood do.

One More Time.

So its Friday. I didnt go to school for 2 days. Memang nak kena dapat warning letter lagi lah en ;p. I woke up around 9 am sbb twitter ada org mention mcm sial je. Tgk tgk Ain Ashraf dgn Sabrina tweet mention aku, SPAM -.- then tidur balik. then pukul 12 lebih baru bangun balik sbb ada org hantar afternoon text. Hihi, thanks for waking me up mermaid :) Then after that mandi and all siap siap, went luch at Damansara. Had chicken rice for lunch. Then off to SS15 pergi popmyberry cari cover bb baru. After that pergi ambil Intan kat airport. I slept for an hour. She played with my phone and took a picture of me masa aku baru bangun tidur and she was like ' I AM SO GONNA POST THIS AT TWITTER AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS HAHHA. KAU TGH TXT SAPA. AKU NAK HANTAR JAP.' and I was like shit, no. Pastu pergi minum cendol masa nak otw balik rumah. Intan was so annoying in the car. Finally arrived home. i went upstairs to charge my phone and went online. Tiba tiba Intan entered my room and we were having this convo.

Intan: Intan beli chocolate kat airport and then dapat free perfume. *sprays around my room*
Me: oh. dude stop spraying that perfume. eh wait tak bau apa apa pun
Intan: ADA LAH. HIDUNG DAH EXPIRED MCM TU AH. *continue spraying the perfume*
Me: K DAH BAU. KELUAR LAH. ISH.
Intan: nah ambil ah perfume ni.
Me: what for? I dont wear perfume lah, I'm naturally wangi :D
Intan: tah buat je lah apapap. kalau bosan main je lah dgn perfume ni, keep on spraying sampai dah tak bosan.

susah hidup bila dapat aunty yang duduk sebumbung dengan aku, haha -.- Soooooo ... I've got nothing to say now. Bye (:

This one's for you, Mermaid.

Hi there. I'm sorry I can't speak mermaid language): okay look, I'm gonna make a post just for you about how guilty I am yesterday.

I'm sorry I didn't talk to for a long time. Its not that I don't want to or I forgot about you, no. I've already told you aite yesterday why. So, that one day without. I FEEL SO LONELY AND LIFELESS, B. You made my smile like the last smile I have. And that's why I love you, Syamimi Amiruddin(:

This Long Distance Is Killing Me.

Hi,I miss my bestfriend like omg. idc what people wants to say to me. I havent talk to sabb for a week and its killing me. Im addicted to the song long distance by bruno mars. hmm. all i have is this picture in a frame that i hold close to see your face every again. Only god knows what I feel right now. Everyday I feel like crying. During school day, hm tak nak crta, aku diam je dalam class. sometimes i wanted to cry in class when sab passed by, but tak nak ah. well Qistina Zainir gave me me an advice, she said just ignore sabb. if sabb really is my bestfriend, she would forgive me. and yeah, i just stick with her advice, But i miss her so much :'(

with you is where i'd rather be,
but we're stuck where we are.
And its so hard, you're so far,
this long distance is killing me.
I wish that you're here with me,
but we're stuck where we are.
And its so hard, you're so far,
this long distance is killing me, sabb.