goobye, Kuala Lumpur

off to Jakarta in a few minutes so yeah. I've said goodbye to my friends already. Nashuha is the only person who dont even knw I'm going to Jakarta. she dont gives a fuck anyway so buat apa nak bagitau. she's happy better off without me and thats the fact that I have to face it. fuck my life, it hurts to see that they're better without you but life muct go on. fuck my egos and emotions. I just dont give a fuck about me anymore. I dont give a fuck about, Nashuha. well I do but haih, fuck it. be back in Malaysia on monday. thats all.

fuck you,

sorry for cursing a lot lately. you have no idea how fucked up I am. its just that, I never tried so hard for someone for that long. so yeah. off to Jakarta in 6 more hours and I'm right here living my life pretending to be okay. does it hurts you to see someone you love turn out to be what they told you they'd never be? well yeah, this is life. I cant believe I've wasted my time on someone who doesnt even gives a fuck about me. obviously they are fine. I wonder if you ever think that how hurt would I be right now. of course you'd probably think like this '' lol heard that many times from you. fuck off you'll be fine ''. lolz. yeah sure. guess my friends were right when they told me this '' people come and go. dont put your hopes to high on them cause one day they'll get bored of you and leave you without an explanation or a reason '' wow. you've changed my life. thanks for the memories.

Cool story.

bapak cool sial. I remembered when you used to like '' omg sampai hati dia buat macam ni kat you. sejahat-jahat I, at least I tak buat macam tu kat you. never will ''. lol now it seems to be that you're turning to be that kind of person that you've told me you'd never be. you know what? I thought you were different. I thought you was my only friend that could change me to be better. I THOUGHT WRONG. LOLZ. weh seronok hidup sekarang? you're good at hurting my feelings. congratulations for that. would you like a hug from me? awww. I'm proud of you. lol. please lah. don't make promises that you can't keep it. weh kau fikir aku apa sial, batu? kata aku suka cakap pasal diri aku that's your reason why you don't want to talk to me. but when I fucking ask you like '' eh dah makan?. esok paper apa? dah study? how was your day? are you okay? goodluck for esok okay? kenapa tak tidur lagi? how was your paper? boleh buat tak? ''all that shitty questions that I asked you every time we talk. pastu kau response '' oh okay lah. dah. ahahahaha lol '' sumpah aku tahan sial. aku nak je tanya kau '' kau ni nak cakap dengan aku ke tak? '' but yeah, I fucking dont want to cause I dont wanna ruin your mood or your day. fikir aku tak fikir semua tu? weh aku fikir dulu sebelum aku cakap tahu tak. lol fine you're tired of listening at family problem stories and shit. fine. I'll never talk about it, ever. I shouldn't told mama that you are the only person I trust and could my day better. lol fucking regret introducing you to my family. fucking regret telling about how amazing you are that you could make fee so much better and the bestest friend I've ever met to my friends. fucking regret for wasting my time for you. if I knw that you were gonna hurt me like this, I would never urgh whatever. buang masa menangis sebab kawan macam kau. buang masa aku je fikir kau punya safety semua padahal kau tak pernah pun terfikir macam tu semua. such a waste time. I knw I'm just a normal form 2 kid yang tak famous, problematic kid, immature and dumb and you're just embarrassed of having a friend like me. if you think that I give up easily then you're wrong. if you think that I've changed, no I've stopped living my life in your way. fine, I hate to see that you're happy without me when you dont feel the same way as me cause that's what friends are supposed to feel. I'm sorry that I cant be what you always wanted me to be and tired of me. have a happy wonderful fucking life without me. I don't care if you're gonna tell everyone that I'm such a loser fuck dumb retard kid for messing up with you about what I've done to you. but please, don't forget to tell them about what you did to me.

well look at the blind side and you'll find me.

hi people. I'm still mad tho. okay hi. saturday off to Jakarta. I'm gonna travel alone. cause my mama dia punya flight lain time so yeah. gonna cut my fringe after this. gonna clean my room, and this evening gonna jog. gonna start a new start. I hope this will make me better today. I hope. I wish. I have nothing to say anymore. I'm just mad and disappointed. byebye. I hope you're fucking happy now, Unicorn.

I hate this song.

watched 500 days of summer just now. today I was mad all day. should see my room. I mess everything up today. fuck my my fucking life. I wish I never met anyone at all. I just wish I'm dead. really. Imagine if I never met everyone. everything would be just fine. I hate everything, its so annoying. fuck all of you. nanananan fuck you, you and YOU. JUST FUCK ALL OF YOU. I gave and tried my best and this is what I get in return? hoho thanks for everything _|_ are you happy? GOOD I HOPE YOU DO. lol you're just bored of me. sorry lah dapat kawan yang tak lawak langsung yang tak ada sense of humor langsung. ftw. you knw what? I've tried to make you happy or laugh. at least I tried. sorry lah dapat kawan yang paling bodoh nak mampus sampai tak cakap 1 minggu pun dah sedih macam sial en. wtf. lol at my life. I'm so sorry that I'm different than anyone else. well whatever. do whatever makes you happy. I dont bother to care anymore. even I care I'll pretend not to. fuck you. yeah. bla bla. lol bye. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU.

seven days.

whatdup. its 26th. fucked up week. slept early last night. 10.30 off to bed. woke up at 7 and stare at the fan til 9 like that. think a lot. replays all the memories. stuff like that. as you can see, everyone is assuming that I'm already dead. yes. I am a ghost right now. lol. I bet they dont even care -.- wow just wow. I can be dead. sure. I'd do that, if that make ya'll fucking happy. fine. have it your way. hi Nashuha, its been 7 days or should I say 1 week since we talk. I can see that you're happily online at Twitter and Facebook within this 1 week, eventho I dont have one. so dont expect me to talk to you again. loooooooool. JUST LOL. well you wanted me to change? fine I'll change to be someone you dont even wanna talk to. because I have feelings too. you and your idk whatever that so called '' Ariesha you have to change '' can go live in a sweet happy life if you want. cause I've tried my best and you didnt like it either. dont tell me that '' oh I tak reti nk tunjuk macam mana nk appreciate '' or whatever that you told me before. you said when we talk its always about me, me, me AND ME. you know, after what you've said that I barely talk about me anymore to you or to people. semua benda aku tanya kau, dah makan, dah study, esok paper apa, bla bla. well yeah your responses semua nak tak nak je jawab. weh sapa tak bengang. lol I didnt tell you this cause aku nk jaga hati kau. tapi ah mampus ah. remember when you listed all the things that you hate about me and you asked me to promised that I dont get offended. sorry I lied, I was offended and I just remain silent. lol bro dont worry, I'v already deleted your number. oh wait, I'm already dead to you lah, lupa pula. dont expect me to be myself again, well dont expect me to talk to you again. banyak lagi form 2 yang pandai and tak selalu emo. pergi ah pilih, bersepah. banyak lagi budak yang baik daripada aku so watlek je lah ~ I wish nothing but the best lah weh. there's no point of me trying the best of me when I already knw that you're gonna find someone else better than me. lol thanks for wasting my time. tak payah nak cakap '' Ariesha I just dont knw how to show my appreciation and love towards you ~ '' dah bosan dengar benda sama. dah bosan dengar '' I'm sorry '' bosan tahu tak. sakit hati je dengar. thanks for making my week the worst week ever, and the most fucked up 7 days ever. LOL AT MY LIFE. JUST LOL BRO. bye have fun :D

lifez.

whatdup. so what happened? nothing much. bbm-ing with Melor. went for a jog this morning. was letting it all out. I wish I could go back January 2011. the first day of school. I wish I didnt meet some people. as usual, I fucked things up. all the happy days now seems so far away. day by day people are leaving me. first Qistina then Syamimi and now guess who lah ~ really tried to make things right again with QZ but we can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong. she's the type that sumpah susah nak pujuk. do whatever about it, she won't fall for it anymore when she fell for it once before. seriously. I do regret what I did to her. should've listen to her and shouldn't meet her in the first place if I knw it could hurt me like this. I never meantto do those things to her but I did when I didnt realized it. maybe her life would be so much better if she just leave me hanging or whatever. she just assumed that she don't even knw me more like '' hi I'm ariesha. I'm already dead ''. I dont knw how lah next year. sama sesi, must be hard for us to ignore each other while she hates me till death and me? missing her to be her friend again. lifez broz. its weird that she'd always appear in my dream. so here I am, here without you, QZ. it was really nice when we were friends before. especially during the camp exco '11. thanks for taking good care of me during the camp. thanks for giving me advises for like 4-5 months? thanks for all the fun that we had together during the camp. thanks for teaching how life must go on and people come and go in friendship. thanks for all the memories. thanks for being my friend for temporary. thanks for the tears. thanks for everything. you taught me a lot of things in friendship and life. sorry for all the hurtful moments I got you with. sorry for not to listen what you've said to me. sorry for making you a lot of trouble to hear all my story that I've told. I;m sorry for everything tho. lol but we just can't fix this thing anymore. it better to have it your way. ignoring each other and pretend that you're dead to and I'm dead to you. I should've be there for you when you need me the most, I'm sorry I wasnt there for you like you're always be there for me no matter what. I'm so fucking selfish, I know and I'm really sorry. really regret it this time. it's almost a month we didnt talk. sorry for missing you so sudden. you're right when you said '' you'll never miss that person until they're gone ''. sometimes its better to be like this rather than keeping this friendship alive and hurt even more.

Trying.

supp bro and whores ~ okay sorry. hekhek. so its almost 2 AM and I'm wide awake. oh yeah I deleted my formspring few hours ago. I had enough questions about Nashuha. bukan lah nak marah tapi cam haih, I'm having a hard time right now especially pasal Nashuha. semua nak sibuk tahap babi. she just wants me to change and I can't. I've tried to be the person she wants me to be but I just cant. thats the reason really why I didnt want to talk to her and avoiding her as fuq. this is the only place that I can express my feelings and let it out. this is the only place that I have and this is the only place that she wont know what I feel. the only person I talk to is Melor and Cya. tu pun jarang gila okay. I'm grateful and thankful, seriously but its not easy to be me. I'm fucking sensitive and weak. I've lost a lot of people I love and I'm just afraid of being happy again cause when I'm happy there's always some bitches who try their best to ruin it, annoying bitches. hate them for life. whatever. lol. see what I mean? I'm like the glass. once its broken it can never be fixed. just like the paper too, once its crushed it can never be perfect. fuck life. I'm bad in friendship seriously. paling lama pun boleh tahan is Melor, 3 years and still counting. I just dont wanna hurt anybody anymore. because I'm too sensitive. I get sad when people yang rapat didnt talk to me more than 3 days. last week Nashuha told me what she really hates about me. she said that I get emo easily and stuff like that. I REALLY TRIED NOT TO FIGHT BACK, and boo yeah. succeed ~ lol. then she asked me to change. I've tried. it work, for a few days. actually I pretend to be what she wants me to be when I'm with her. lol saya tahu saya awesome ^.^V then lama lama she just assumed that I'm fine. but pergh taktahu rasa macam mana sebenarnya. the last time I talked to her was 19th October. now its 25th. dont say anything. it kills me slowly ~ so, 3 days ago, I deleted her number and stuff. all the messages. even photos. cant tell you how I feel cause cant even say it. cant even describe it tho. I think its the best. people come and go. I'm afraid of loosing her as always. she didnt knw that. she's busy with others and just dont have time for me, I guess. cant do anything about it. we had a lot of arguments and fights in 7 months. thanks anyway. no one has ever made me to fight back and care for that person so much like you did. I bet she thinks that '' oh dia junior aku, lol junior memang macam ni. nk rapat dengan senior. immature punya otak, they just wanna have fun je. diorang tak sedar pun apa yang diorang cakap. its like cakap kosong. they'll get over it bila aku dah habis sekolah ''. yeah I am immature, I think narnia is real and love peterpan. but as you can see, tak ramai pun senior I tried my best to talk to them. if you noticed. I only tried for you. yeah our age 2 years beza. but I seriously tried to understand what you feel. guess not good enough. I'm the type of person who loves friendship more than anything else it this world. you can see I've tried to impressed banyak orang but I've tried hard till I'm tired to impressed you. 7 months bro. lol tapi ye lah, I'm just not mastered in friendship. not my thing but at least I've tried. nice to know you.

y I'm sho sherious?

lol hi? yesterday I was pretty moody and stuff. then chat with Melor terus jadi hyper as fuuq. loliz. so what happened? heh I get tired easily nowdays. shitz. weh uh, yeah people change mhm? my phone so senyap ya know. no text. no calls. no whatsapp. no whatever. the truth is, I dont miss my twitter and facebook at all. I just feel so much better without twitter and facebook bcs if I still have twitter and facebook I'll stalk my friends and realize that they've changed. a lot. seeing them online, talking to others and not you. and stuff like that, cant help stalking them. so yeah, better to delete online stuff. fucked up month for me. seriously, sleep at 5 AM everyday, playing all the sweet memories that I've had. its killing me to realize what I used to have, I dont have it anymore. 5 more days and off to Jakarta. haihhh. byeee~

this one’s for you and me living out our dreams. we’re right where we should be.

thanks Melor Syaza Abul' As

wish you were here.

so hi? just told Melor about paranormal activity 3 hihi :3 ppl keep asking why I delete my facebook and twitter and they were like '' sebab Nashuha eh? '' ppl please mind your own business. ye, saya delete number dia and what so ever ah. when ppl dont talk to me or whatever makes me feel like they're not trying or what, I just delete number diorang and assume that they're dead or something. ppl get tired lah. I stop trying cause there's nothing to fight for when you know its not worth it. I just dont wanna talk to anyone okay? fair enough. its the best for me right now. and no, Nashuha its not the reason why am I becoming like this. blame life. next saturday I'm off to Jakarta for 3 days, be back on monday. cant take my bm both paper and science paper 1. shitz. supposed to go jogging with Cya this morning. woke up pretty late. SORRY CYA :/ fucked up day. fucked up week. fucked up month. everything is so fucked up. I dont give a fuck, I do but haih FUCK IT. there's a lot of fuck ey? sorry. I'm just too depressed and stressed out. I dont even know why. and no, I'm not PMS-ing. so .. I get for nothing nowdays. I get mad at ppl for nothing but I keep it all inside. last time, I always let it out and tell it to someone somehow. but now? I just dont. I just stop doing all that stuff and shit. I hate everything. I hate everyone. yeah, I hate all the form 4's. ALL. except for Cya. yeah, hate Nashuha too. surprised? dont be. sorry but for now? I JUST HATE EVERYTHING. everything is so .. annoying. do you know how hurt it is to be like this? shit happens, true but IT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME. can I be HAPPY for once? ppl sangat annoying, when I'm happy there's always someone will try their best to ruin it, well fuck you. I hope you'll get a blowjob by a shark or get hit by a rollercoaster or die just like in paranormal activity. OI, I GOTTA STOP JADI MARAH KAT SEMUA BENDA. WELL FUCK YOU EVERYONE. BYE.

HOW TO LOVE EXAMS.

lulz. hi evelibodi? harhar. ok. so having my finals now. oh wow lagi a couple of months dah nak masuk form 3. fuck life. okay so um what's up? oh saya delete facebook dan twitter saya ^.^V hahaha why? bcs there's no point to go online when you know the person you want to talk doesnt wanna talk to you. oh yeah delete 3 orang punya number :) hint? semua form 4. hehehe I bet you guys dah tahu siapa. I bet you all think that mesti aku tengah sedih bcs of that kan? mhm actually yeah, a lot. but that's the best. why do we keep a friendship when that someone layan macam sampah. lulz. forget about it and move on, Ariesha. hekhek. oh yesterday was agama and maths paper 2. guess what? saya dapat soalan bocor ^.^V hekhek. agama punya paper exactly sama and maths 2 sikit je lah dapat. alhamdulilah it was okay. I'm so tired. barely talk to people. lol anti social. hekhek. please call, text or whatsapp if you guys wanna reach me. need to study, bye bye ^.^V