1st November 2011.

hey. came back from Indonesia at 10 something. when I was in Jakarta, I was having so much fun but I've think too much as well. I was thinking what should I do and stuff. I thought when I get back from Indonesia, things would be just fine. I swear I thought this fight macam normal. I mean we both selalu gaduh over every single thing. 2 weeks we didnt talk or text or whatever, you just MIA. let's reply all the memories that we've spent? well yeah. 7th February 2011 - the first day we met. remember when I came to sesi pagi to see Eileen and she introduced her friends to me and you're one of them. I was so shy to say hi at you. then you offered me chocolate called daim and I took it with my shy face and you laughed. days after that we started to talk to each other at facebook but not really that often. remember when your '' choir season ''. everyday dekat dewan tu you have this choir practice and when I look at you, you just smile at me everyday. at the same time I'm having some family problem and you listened all my stories and we became close friends. remember when you used to prank me like the fake fight at the end you'll say ' AHAHAHA KENA GAME ' yeah. and after 2 months we started to have fights and argues. on teachers day we hung out together with your friends. remember when we exchanged our phone for one week? it was fun. then you introduced me to your mum, Puan Salasiah. I was so shy and scared but you said '' dia baik lah, trust me '' and you're right, she is. then a day before sports day you were busy watching the sports going on at the back of our school cabin. I went there to find you, and I did we wacth together that thing and stuff and I just realized that my file was missing and I'm pretty sure that it was one of my friends. so I told you about that and you went to look for them and said '' korang ada ambil file ariesha ke? '' then they lied by saying '' takda '' and you said '' kalau aku tahu kau ambil file ariesha, siap korang ''. hahahaha that was fun too. you're funny when you're mad. then on sports day, we hung out together but we didnt talked much, I dont know why. I just follow you around the stadium with your friends and stay silent. I really had a great time eventho that day didnt go very well. carnival bukit jelutong 11', we hung out and took some pictures. that you had to leave earlier cause you wanted to go to your friend's place and asked me to stay with cya. and I did. so I went back and print the pictures, and one of the pictures was I really liked it so I put it in my wallet. on hari 1 murid 1 sukan 1 malaysia day I finished the race earlier than you did so I waited for you at the finished line, and all you say was '' oh hi '' and walked away with your friends. so I just assumed that you were busy or tired and I just let you be. i hung out with '' her '' and she asked me why I tak lepak with you and stuff. I lied and said '' oh malas ah '' and she checked my wallet and saw the picture and throw it. and guess what? I pick up walaupun kat dalam tong sampah and put it back inside my wallet. yeah, thats it, sometimes we bumped with each other at school, sometimes I just watched you masa balik when you dont really noticed I was there. I get sad when we dont talk or text more than 3 days. I trust you. I really wanna make you happy. I'm afraid of loosing you someday and everytime I tell you that, you'll say ''chill lah, i'll never leave you '' such a relief and I actually believed it. then we started to have fights every single day. you kinda like changed. you wont tell me things. I dont know. things just changed day by day. then 19th October we had random convos at whatsapp and suddenly you appeared offline without saying bye, I assumed that you;re sleeping or something. then after 1 week, yuo dont text or whatsapp me. I started to feel so .. fucked up and keep thinking stuff. then went to Jakartaand now I'm in Malaysia. aku balik rumah waiting for a text from you. then I decided to call you, you didnt pick up. and yeah I deleted your number but I'd still remember your number even when I've deleted it. then you texted me '' shaa you called? '' and I was mad like yeah, after 2 weeks baru nak reply. I said '' siapa ni '' and we kinda like bla bla fight idk. idc. and today is 1st November 2011. I thought today is brand new month for me to start and IDONTKNW? feel better maybe? so I went online just now and shit whatever. and I received a text from. and that text was long, I think its the longest text you've ever text me. now in that text. its cleared that you wanted to leave me. what is air. this is the first time. usually I'm the who always wanna leave you. guess this is it. I dont know what to do now and I'm all fucked up. you.. I wish you have great life without me, khairun nashuha mustaffa halabi.

goobye, Kuala Lumpur

off to Jakarta in a few minutes so yeah. I've said goodbye to my friends already. Nashuha is the only person who dont even knw I'm going to Jakarta. she dont gives a fuck anyway so buat apa nak bagitau. she's happy better off without me and thats the fact that I have to face it. fuck my life, it hurts to see that they're better without you but life muct go on. fuck my egos and emotions. I just dont give a fuck about me anymore. I dont give a fuck about, Nashuha. well I do but haih, fuck it. be back in Malaysia on monday. thats all.

fuck you,

sorry for cursing a lot lately. you have no idea how fucked up I am. its just that, I never tried so hard for someone for that long. so yeah. off to Jakarta in 6 more hours and I'm right here living my life pretending to be okay. does it hurts you to see someone you love turn out to be what they told you they'd never be? well yeah, this is life. I cant believe I've wasted my time on someone who doesnt even gives a fuck about me. obviously they are fine. I wonder if you ever think that how hurt would I be right now. of course you'd probably think like this '' lol heard that many times from you. fuck off you'll be fine ''. lolz. yeah sure. guess my friends were right when they told me this '' people come and go. dont put your hopes to high on them cause one day they'll get bored of you and leave you without an explanation or a reason '' wow. you've changed my life. thanks for the memories.

Cool story.

bapak cool sial. I remembered when you used to like '' omg sampai hati dia buat macam ni kat you. sejahat-jahat I, at least I tak buat macam tu kat you. never will ''. lol now it seems to be that you're turning to be that kind of person that you've told me you'd never be. you know what? I thought you were different. I thought you was my only friend that could change me to be better. I THOUGHT WRONG. LOLZ. weh seronok hidup sekarang? you're good at hurting my feelings. congratulations for that. would you like a hug from me? awww. I'm proud of you. lol. please lah. don't make promises that you can't keep it. weh kau fikir aku apa sial, batu? kata aku suka cakap pasal diri aku that's your reason why you don't want to talk to me. but when I fucking ask you like '' eh dah makan?. esok paper apa? dah study? how was your day? are you okay? goodluck for esok okay? kenapa tak tidur lagi? how was your paper? boleh buat tak? ''all that shitty questions that I asked you every time we talk. pastu kau response '' oh okay lah. dah. ahahahaha lol '' sumpah aku tahan sial. aku nak je tanya kau '' kau ni nak cakap dengan aku ke tak? '' but yeah, I fucking dont want to cause I dont wanna ruin your mood or your day. fikir aku tak fikir semua tu? weh aku fikir dulu sebelum aku cakap tahu tak. lol fine you're tired of listening at family problem stories and shit. fine. I'll never talk about it, ever. I shouldn't told mama that you are the only person I trust and could my day better. lol fucking regret introducing you to my family. fucking regret telling about how amazing you are that you could make fee so much better and the bestest friend I've ever met to my friends. fucking regret for wasting my time for you. if I knw that you were gonna hurt me like this, I would never urgh whatever. buang masa menangis sebab kawan macam kau. buang masa aku je fikir kau punya safety semua padahal kau tak pernah pun terfikir macam tu semua. such a waste time. I knw I'm just a normal form 2 kid yang tak famous, problematic kid, immature and dumb and you're just embarrassed of having a friend like me. if you think that I give up easily then you're wrong. if you think that I've changed, no I've stopped living my life in your way. fine, I hate to see that you're happy without me when you dont feel the same way as me cause that's what friends are supposed to feel. I'm sorry that I cant be what you always wanted me to be and tired of me. have a happy wonderful fucking life without me. I don't care if you're gonna tell everyone that I'm such a loser fuck dumb retard kid for messing up with you about what I've done to you. but please, don't forget to tell them about what you did to me.

well look at the blind side and you'll find me.

hi people. I'm still mad tho. okay hi. saturday off to Jakarta. I'm gonna travel alone. cause my mama dia punya flight lain time so yeah. gonna cut my fringe after this. gonna clean my room, and this evening gonna jog. gonna start a new start. I hope this will make me better today. I hope. I wish. I have nothing to say anymore. I'm just mad and disappointed. byebye. I hope you're fucking happy now, Unicorn.

I hate this song.

watched 500 days of summer just now. today I was mad all day. should see my room. I mess everything up today. fuck my my fucking life. I wish I never met anyone at all. I just wish I'm dead. really. Imagine if I never met everyone. everything would be just fine. I hate everything, its so annoying. fuck all of you. nanananan fuck you, you and YOU. JUST FUCK ALL OF YOU. I gave and tried my best and this is what I get in return? hoho thanks for everything _|_ are you happy? GOOD I HOPE YOU DO. lol you're just bored of me. sorry lah dapat kawan yang tak lawak langsung yang tak ada sense of humor langsung. ftw. you knw what? I've tried to make you happy or laugh. at least I tried. sorry lah dapat kawan yang paling bodoh nak mampus sampai tak cakap 1 minggu pun dah sedih macam sial en. wtf. lol at my life. I'm so sorry that I'm different than anyone else. well whatever. do whatever makes you happy. I dont bother to care anymore. even I care I'll pretend not to. fuck you. yeah. bla bla. lol bye. FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU.

seven days.

whatdup. its 26th. fucked up week. slept early last night. 10.30 off to bed. woke up at 7 and stare at the fan til 9 like that. think a lot. replays all the memories. stuff like that. as you can see, everyone is assuming that I'm already dead. yes. I am a ghost right now. lol. I bet they dont even care -.- wow just wow. I can be dead. sure. I'd do that, if that make ya'll fucking happy. fine. have it your way. hi Nashuha, its been 7 days or should I say 1 week since we talk. I can see that you're happily online at Twitter and Facebook within this 1 week, eventho I dont have one. so dont expect me to talk to you again. loooooooool. JUST LOL. well you wanted me to change? fine I'll change to be someone you dont even wanna talk to. because I have feelings too. you and your idk whatever that so called '' Ariesha you have to change '' can go live in a sweet happy life if you want. cause I've tried my best and you didnt like it either. dont tell me that '' oh I tak reti nk tunjuk macam mana nk appreciate '' or whatever that you told me before. you said when we talk its always about me, me, me AND ME. you know, after what you've said that I barely talk about me anymore to you or to people. semua benda aku tanya kau, dah makan, dah study, esok paper apa, bla bla. well yeah your responses semua nak tak nak je jawab. weh sapa tak bengang. lol I didnt tell you this cause aku nk jaga hati kau. tapi ah mampus ah. remember when you listed all the things that you hate about me and you asked me to promised that I dont get offended. sorry I lied, I was offended and I just remain silent. lol bro dont worry, I'v already deleted your number. oh wait, I'm already dead to you lah, lupa pula. dont expect me to be myself again, well dont expect me to talk to you again. banyak lagi form 2 yang pandai and tak selalu emo. pergi ah pilih, bersepah. banyak lagi budak yang baik daripada aku so watlek je lah ~ I wish nothing but the best lah weh. there's no point of me trying the best of me when I already knw that you're gonna find someone else better than me. lol thanks for wasting my time. tak payah nak cakap '' Ariesha I just dont knw how to show my appreciation and love towards you ~ '' dah bosan dengar benda sama. dah bosan dengar '' I'm sorry '' bosan tahu tak. sakit hati je dengar. thanks for making my week the worst week ever, and the most fucked up 7 days ever. LOL AT MY LIFE. JUST LOL BRO. bye have fun :D